An elderly woman walked into a bank in New York City before leaving on vacation and asked for a $5,000 loan. The banker looked surprised and asked, “Certainly, ma’am. Do you have anything you’d like to use as collateral?” “Yes,”…
Little Johnny and Silly Billy were doing what little boys everywhere have always done arguing about whose family was better. “My father is better than your father!” Billy declared. “No, he’s not!” Johnny fired back. “My brother is better than…
Alex saw an ad in the newspaper that read: “Circus Looking for New Talents.” He thought to himself, “Why not? I’m pretty talented.” So he called the circus. A woman answered the phone. “Hello.” “Hi, is this the circus?” “Yes,…
A newlywed couple was lying in bed when the husband curiously asked his wife how many men she had been with. The wife said nothing and continued staring at the ceiling. After a moment, the husband asked again, “Come on,…
A jockey was about to race on a new horse. Before the race started, the horse’s trainer pulled him aside and said, “All you need to remember is this: every time you come to a jump, shout ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ as…
Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read a newspaper in the den. The family dog was lying nearby, and as the screeching sounds of Johnny’s violin filled the house, the…
A police officer in Grafton stopped at a local farm. He approached an old farmer and said, “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.” The farmer nodded and replied, “Okay, but please don’t go into that field…
Mrs. Green lived in a two-story house next door to an elderly widow, Mrs. Robinson. After not hearing from her for a few days, Mrs. Green became a little concerned. “Johnny,” she called to her son, “do me a favor…
An elderly couple was traveling through the countryside when they stopped at a gas station. As the attendant started filling the tank, he asked the old man, “Where are you folks from? I know just about everyone around here.” “We’re…
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary. They had been childhood sweethearts and, after retiring, moved back to their old neighborhood. One day, while holding hands, they walked to their old school. The building was unlocked, so they…
A couple of elderly men were sitting together, complaining about the challenges of modern technology. One of them sighed and said, “I can never seem to remember my passwords.” The other man smiled and replied, “Oh, I never forget mine!”…
A dog walked into a butcher shop, and the butcher asked, “What would you like?” The dog pointed to a steak in the display case. “How many pounds?” asked the butcher. The dog barked twice. “Anything else?” The dog pointed…