A husband and wife were arguing about who should make the coffee every morning. The wife said, “You should make it because you get up first. That way, we won’t have to wait so long for our coffee.” The husband…
Jim had worked in the computer business for 25 years and was finally tired of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land deep in the wilderness, far away from everyone. Except for the postman, who…
A husband and wife went to have dinner at a five-star restaurant. As the waiter brought their food to the table, the husband smiled and said, “Our food is here! Let’s eat!” His wife stopped him and said, “Honey, you…
Little Johnny returned to school after the holidays. A few days later, his teacher called Johnny’s father to complain about his behavior. The teacher said, “Hello, I’m sorry to tell you this, but your son Johnny has been misbehaving at…
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher explained that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, although whales are very large mammals, their throats are too small. The little girl…
One evening, a man walked up to the ticket counter of a busy movie theater with a full-grown elephant beside him. Everyone in line stopped and stared. The theater manager rushed over and said, “Sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t…
A young boy decided he wanted to learn the language of animals. He said to his father, “Dad, there’s a school where they teach people how to understand animals. Please give me the money so I can go and study…
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner, and their conversation eventually turned to marriage. Dave had been saving money for an engagement ring, but since he was in graduate school, he also badly needed a new computer. Mary was…
By the time the morning church service was about to begin, only one man had arrived. The priest looked at him and said, “It seems everyone else has slept in. Would you rather go home, or should I still give…
An elderly man named Bill went to his doctor for his annual physical checkup. After examining him, the doctor came back and said, “I’m sorry, Bill, but we’ve discovered you have a condition that gives you only six weeks to…
One day, a family brought their frail elderly mother to a nursing home, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses gave her a bath, served her a nice breakfast, and helped her sit in a…
A couple invited their family over for Thanksgiving dinner. As everyone gathered, the couple’s children arrived a little late. Their mother-in-law immediately complained, “Ugh, your children are always late.” Eventually, everyone sat down at the table. The mother-in-law insisted on…