An out-of-towner accidentally drove his car into a deep ditch along a country road. Luckily, an old farmer came by with his big horse, Benny. Man:“Could you help me get my car out?” Farmer:“Sure. Benny can pull it out.” The…
A little turtle slowly begins climbing a tree. After hours of hard work, he finally reaches the top. He jumps into the air, flapping his front legs as if he were trying to fly, but crashes hard onto the ground.…
A man named Bob received a text from his neighbor. Neighbor:“I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been tapping your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but…
An elderly lady walked into a pharmacy and asked the assistant for some “bottom deodorant.” The pharmacist looked puzzled. Pharmacist:“I’m sorry, but we don’t sell bottom deodorant. We’ve never carried it.” The woman was certain she had bought it there…
Timmy is in second grade, learning subtraction, when his teacher decides to test him. Teacher:“Timmy, if I have five cats and give you two, how many cats do you have?” Timmy:“Three.” Teacher:“No, Timmy. If I have five cats and give…
A completely bald man with one leg was invited to a costume party. He wasn’t sure what to wear, so he contacted a high-end costume shop and explained his situation. A few days later, he received a package with a…
A man decides he wants a quieter, more peaceful life, so he joins a monastery. The monks live simply, and one of their strictest traditions is a vow of silence. There is one small exception: each monk is allowed to…
A squirrel was sitting in an apple tree when, suddenly, a cow came climbing up the tree. The squirrel stared in disbelief. Squirrel:“What on earth are you doing up here?” The cow calmly replied: Cow:“I thought I’d come up and…
Grandpa was telling his young grandson about what life was like when he was a boy. Grandpa:“In the winter, we’d ice-skate on the pond. In the summer, we’d swim there and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an…
A little old lady called her local bank but was connected to the bank’s call center instead. Old Lady:“Is that the High Street branch?” Operator:“No, madam. The bank now handles telephone calls centrally.” Old Lady:“Well, I really need to speak…
Two men went hunting together. One had been hunting all his life, while the other was out in the woods for the first time. The experienced hunter told the younger man to sit quietly and not make a sound. The…
An elderly couple went to a restaurant for breakfast, where the senior special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns, and toast for $2.99. Wife:“That sounds good, but I don’t want the eggs.” Waiter:“Then I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because…