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An elderly Pope arrives in New York and is picked up at the airport in a limousine. When he sees the car, he turns to the driver. Pope:“Would you mind doing me a favor?” Driver:“A favor for the Pope? Of…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and asked his father when they could discuss using the family car. His father made him a deal. Dad:“If you bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study…

A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time the store manager, the security guard, and even the officer who arrested her. She complained about everything. When she appeared before…

Little Johnny looked so sad that his teacher had to ask what was wrong. Teacher:“What’s the problem? I hope it isn’t about your homework again.” Johnny:“Well, uh, yes, it is. I accidentally turned my homework paper into a paper airplane.”…

A woman finished shopping and brought her purchases to the cashier. Cashier:“Cash, check, or credit card?” As the woman searched through her purse for her wallet, the cashier noticed a television remote inside. Cashier:“Do you always carry your TV remote…

An 85-year-old couple, married for nearly 60 years, died in a car accident. They had stayed in excellent health for years, mostly because the wife was very serious about healthy food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St.…

Little Johnny was having trouble in English class, so his teacher decided to visit his home after school to speak with his parents about his poor performance. When she rang the doorbell, Johnny answered. Teacher:“Hello, Johnny. I’d like to speak…

An elderly man named Paddy passed away. In his will, he left £40,000 for an elaborate funeral. After the last guests had left, his widow, Colleen, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Mary. Colleen:“Ah well, Paddy would be pleased.”…

Two old friends were about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a man carrying a golf bag approached them. Man:“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t show up.” Friends:“Sure. You’re…

Nosferatu the vampire wants to find a bat to be his companion, so he holds a competition. Nosferatu:“Whoever returns with the most blood on their face gets the job!” He takes the four bats to the top of his castle…

An old man went golfing every weekend, and his wife always complained about being left home alone. One weekend, he finally said: Husband:“Why don’t you come with me? I’ll teach you how to play.” She agreed and joined him for…

A huge, muscular man with a bad stutter walks up to the counter of a department store. Man:“W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk just stares at him and says nothing. The man tries again. Man:“W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the…